Seek
Seek and ye
Shall
FIND
What are you seeking?
Do you know?
I am not sure if I knew and
I am not sure when I first saw
That I was half sleeping
Until then, I found happiness
In the instant gratifications of magic bubbles
Seeking for the unlimited lover
>Gradually Slowly
Pops the ball
Have you ever thought about the ups and downs
the times you are in the flow vs the times where things seem dry and morbid
it is wierd how things come and go
relationships bond us together and then the winds change
or you change
and things just keep moving
Then we add meaning and attach stories —-to make our selves out to be things that they are not
I need to cut my toenails. I need to shave my legs and perhaps maybe my armpits. I need to buy eyeliner. I bought some this month and it doesn’t work well. A girl must have good eyeliner or it just isn’t worth it. Also, I think I need highlights in my hair. What for you say?
Have you seen my hair? It is the typical shade of dark blond. Spunk must be added, but with cost. Seems like everything is at cost. Whether it is time or money, choices must be made. These particular choices happen according to desires.
Which desires are worth nurturing and which desires are feeding that insecure creature which holds all of our deepest concerns about our selves? —The little contracted ones that long to be full/free—
WHAT an ART night :)
1) slept late
2) went for Brunch with Vince
3) discussed “coming out” in relation to meditation
4) read in cute chairs in a ‘writer’s corner’
5) my body is sore from working out—-very sore
6) listening to tori amos….”my life is going to change, if I accept where I am”
7) preparing for my “art party” tonight
8) stressing about reading a zen book by Monday
9) cant wait to take a nap
10) procrastinating
I bow deeply
My head touches the ground
Palms facing the stars
At-one-ment………………ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHH
My heart divides into frames
Holding colorless pictures of love
Contracting from fear of Openness
In another time, I stood on the stairs as a little girl demanding to know why women couldn’t have babies without men
daddy laughs —tenderly —as I climb up to face him
“you will never understand me daddy”
But thank you thank you for watching
But I will go it Alone
Anger comes often nowadays
Sweeping me up with the fallen moons from other worlds
Do people see the residue from the universe in their existence?
Open heart
P LLEEAASSSEE open
Daddy- It is too sad today, no one is watching, my words are lost
Daddy- Did you leave me?
Daddy- Open open OPEN
Who is it that is alone?
amazing food
amazing women
amazing memories
holiday party in Feburary
I wait
As a child
Watching
Hoping
That my dad will come pick me up
I spend days in dance class
Twirling around on Pointe
Tap—- tap ———-tapping
Wishing that I was better than everyone
One day….I think….
I will prove them wrong
The attention that I crave will be readily available
I walk around the race track during class
Alone
Waiting for it to be over
Thinking about how one day there will be people that understand
The meaning of life
AND suffering
Rolling down the hill in Prague
Under the moonlit sky
I wait
It feels like something is getting closer —————-
I am getting closer
The world is under me
It spins as I spin
The world and me spinning under the stars
I wait
As the rain comes down and sprinkles me with aliveness
I’m lost downtown and not only in thought
Love is all around me
Can this really be so?
There are echoes coming from the alley
People try and keep the peace
Wading through the puddles
Mud sticking to their shoes
I wait
For someone to notice
Me
Under all the camouflage
I need to speak
The feelings suffocate the voices
I wait
For the trains in the distance
To carry me away
Traveling to some foreign land
Unknown only to me
There are maps, someone else has been here
I am not alone
In my aloneness ——————————————————as I wait
last night in wilkesboro—leaving tomorrow—for greensboro—-then denver
